ALTATO – Lullaby to the `Otherside`
50 x 90 cm
Ink, watercolour and pen on fabric
I started thinking about this painting during the time my dad went into hospital 4 years ago.
My mind was preoccupied trying to understand, visualize, imagine the journey he took towards rest and transformation that came with death.
From what my mother told me, I know he saw his loved ones, Fahej our dog and the blue bird.
In front of me, there is a door to go through.
The journey through the gate is present in front of me from the spilling landscape that hugged and followed him through the door towards the heavens gate.
Mysteriously I found this song called Altato or Lullaby from Iren Lovasz which opened my eyes and soul to this image.
The song lullaby reminds me of the journey he took from living to dead. The journey which he took and drawn his life on earth on a close.
He fall asleep to cross to where he found peace in returning home where he was awaited by his loved ones.
The painting started with my response to the song that evoked such emotional and visual affect that it came out as a vision.
I am thinking about him when I paint.
I paint this for his soul.
I remember his journey, life on earth but it also serves as a guide to help me be closer to the space that he saw last.
His soul was open to everyone.
The landscape is magical and spacious but it disappears into light into the light
On the way, there is his passion, knowledge which he gained throughout his life.
The love from us towards him and his love towards us.
Complaints of the past are blurred from here and the memories gained are shining in the wind as they are passing by.
The identity of his ancestors are there, the voices are become one so he can rest with the ancestors and live in a new present.
Not bound by time and permanent like the father he was to me. He is watching me from somewhere else now where only people can see who are gone.
Fragile line, almost transparent surrounds him as his soul crosses to the otherside.
I understand why that this world was calling him. I need to accept it.
I want to feel the presence of his soul so I can build my own path and make new traditions as a family,,
At present, I feel what I had had is gone, I left it when I still had time to live it.
I find it hard to be grateful as much as I know I should be.
I dont want to bring back who he was. I want to accept that that was the past. Fond memories.
The bond held close to my heart that holds the memories in between the steps of pain and joy.
I had to create this piece to visualize the space of overseeing all his life, though, essence so I am able to make space for my own next steps
I didn’t go when I was supposed to.
Now I am painting how he had to leave.
Everything transformed since I have moved,
Our relationship and communication.
But our love for each other never changed.
I just didn’t comprehend fully that time is going faster for him. I feel stupid for this.
He also transformed. His soul remained the same. I write this over and over again like a mantra for myself to keep saying it until I can accept it or comprehend it.
I just wanted to talk to him one more time.
So we spend one holiday together or celebration.
But he lives in me as I bring new traditions
I dont want family to always remain a distant word to me.
I am trying to live with the pain.
Beginning and end,
Homecoming and traveling away,
Past,present, future,
Memories of our ancestor`s past and traditions
My fathers being, energy and soul.
Zoé Aczél 